


The Teachings of Cyrus

by AquilaTempestas



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Parody, Scarred For Life, Sex Education
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-01-15 07:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21249578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquilaTempestas/pseuds/AquilaTempestas
Summary: Cyrus failed in his attempt to become the new God, but now he seeks to redeem himself. How? The Champions decide he must educate a group of selected trainers on sexual matters. Poor trainers.





	1. Cyrus's New Job

**Author's Note:**

> So, I actually wrote and completed this story way back in 2016. Now I am re-uploading it.

Being a criminal mastermind was a horrible career was the conclusion Cyrus came to early that Monday morning. The days were long and tiring, his 'staff' consisted of idiots and worst of all his pay was terrible. It hardly seemed worth the effort now that he thought about it, but those days of being a psychopath hellbent on becoming the new God were over! Cyrus was determined to do something good for the world for a change.

Of course every other trainer in existence wanted him locked up behind bars for the rest of his miserable life, so finding a way to redeem himself was proving to be quite a challenge. He had tried applying for jobs all around Sinnoh, but no one wanted to hire a crazy man. So poor Cyrus had no job, but he did have a home in the local caravan park thanks to the ever so loyal Mars. The girl was more than happy enough to let Cyrus share her caravan. She even invited him to her bed, but he politely turned down her request and slept on the floor instead. 

"You're serious, aren't you? About your idea to redeem yourself?" Mars said, sitting on the floor directly across from her boss.

He frowned. "Yes."

Mars giggled then fell silent. "And how are you going to achieve that? You're the most hated individual in Sinnoh. You can't even get a job as a clown," she pointed out. "And I mean no offense, but you're not exactly great company."

He frowned some more. "Did you just insult me?"

Mars rolled her eyes. Sometimes, her boss was an idiot. When it came to bringing plans of mass destruction to life, he excelled, but when it came to simple matters such as carrying on a normal conversation, he really struggled. "That's the problem. You have no personality. You were so determined to pretend emotions didn't exist, that you have forgotten how important it is to have and express them… except for anger and hate of course which you were quite good at. You need to work on the more positive emotions if you want to redeem yourself in the eyes of the public." Her eyes suddenly brightened, and the corners of her mouth curved upwards. "Hey, I know! I hear there's a job offer going around that no one wants to take – you could apply for it!"

"I'll take it. What is it?"

Mars grinned. "Go and ask Cynthia. She'll tell you all about it."

Cyrus just nodded, unsure of what he had just agreed to. Why on earth was Mars grinning like she had just won the lottery? Mars stood up and he followed her out of the caravan. What job could be so bad that no one wanted?

....

Later that day…

"So Cyrus, what are your qualifications aside from being an evil guy?" Cynthia said, sitting behind a desk, giving him a curious look.

He looked at her with his usual expression – a deadpanned one. Working on expressing emotions was something he was going to have to work on if he wanted to leave a good impression, Mars had said. "Uh…" He thought hard. Back in his rebellious teenage days, his parents had forced him to get a job at a fast food store but he left because the place was so damn greasy. "Nothing?"

"That's all right because it's not going to matter anyway since this job is quite basic," Cynthia replied, flicking a strand of blonde hair over her shoulder.

"What does the job entail?"

She grinned. Cyrus couldn't tell if it was a happy pleased grin or rather a mocking one. "You will be required to teach a group of trainers about sexual matters. My fellow Champions believe it's quite necessary for a trainer to understand how the human body works and feel such a class is necessary. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't hire you considering your history and all, but we are desperate."

So he was expected to educate a bunch of pre-teens on the topic of puberty? That sounded like it was going to end like his former job – in ruins. He frowned in what he hoped was an expression of confusion. "I have to teach a bunch of pre-teens?"

She shook her head, laughing. "Not pre-teens. These trainers are in their mid teen years. They've been so focused on becoming Pokemon Masters, they have forgotten about themselves. Some of the gym leaders are lost as well and are frightened by the things that are happening to them. Actually, some of my fellow Champions are lost too…" she said with a frown. She fell silent for a couple of moments then spoke up again. "You can start immediately! Just sign the contract here," she said, pushing a document towards him, "and you'll be officially recognized as Sinnoh's first and only sex educator. I hope you enjoy it. I'll provide you a list of names tomorrow."

Cyrus grabbed the pen and scribbled down his signature (he also added a smiley face which Mars had suggested) and pushed the paper back. Cynthia studied his signature and nodded. "What time?"

"Eight am sharp tomorrow morning. The classes are being held at the league. The easiest way to get here is to fly so I hope you have a pokémon that can transport you here otherwise you have to pay a fee if you use public transport," Cynthia explained. Fortunately, that wasn't going to be a problem for Cyrus since he still had his loyal team with him and two of them could fly. "Thanks for taking this role! If you didn't take it, we would've had to free Ghetsis or Lysandre from jail otherwise. Think hard about what topics to choose - there are no limitations. Have fun!" She grinned again.

Cyrus took that as a sign that the discussion was over. He stood up and left the room wondering if he had made the right decision after all.


	2. Cyrus Answers Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the insanity! Thanks for the comments and kudos!

There was a rumour going around town that someone had finally taken up the job as Sinnoh's sex educator. Parents had been dreaming of this moment for years now because it meant they did not have to give their kids 'the talk'. You know the really awkward one where the child isn't sure whether to be scared or burst out in tears with laughter? Yeah, that one. So naturally, everyone in Sinnoh (and even curious people from surrounding regions), all travelled to the wonderful region of Sinnoh to get a glimpse of this brave person.

Needless to say they were quite surprised when Cynthia announced that it was in fact crazy criminal failed mastermind Cyrus whom had been given the role. Parents were rather confused – what on earth did a man like him know about teaching children about the terrors of puberty? Oh well. Despite the fact that Cyrus was crazy, parents signed up their children anyway, relieved they didn't have to be the ones giving 'the talk'.

And now, Sinnoh's new sex educator, stood in front of his Galatic commanders, a frown on his face. “So…” Saturn started, trying his best to contain his laughter. “You are Sinnoh's new educator of sex.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he broke down into uncontrollable giggles. He was soon joined by Charon and Jupiter. Only Mars controlled her laughter, although she was clearly struggling.

“Why is that funny?” Cyrus said.

“It's well… it's because it's you,” Saturn explained. “You've never given us 'the talk' before.”

The boss continued to frown. “I did not think it was necessary.”

“So, who is coming to your first session?” Jupiter said.

Cyrus glanced down at the list. There were at least over one thousand names on the list – Cynthia had told him he needed to pick ten randomly. Those who were not selected could watch it online or attend the next session. “Red, Brock, N, Morty, Ghetsis, Champion Lance, Lyra, Misty, Champion Cynthia and Dawn… what the hell?” What a strange list of names. The only ones he recognized were Lance, Cynthia and Dawn though he had heard of Ghetsis before. Hadn’t he been jailed though? Perhaps he had been released just to attend Cyrus’s classes to witness his humiliation.

Cynthia had agreed to come along just to ensure he was doing the job right and not trying to create a new army to take over the world so it was understandable why she was coming. Dawn coming along was also understandable – she had thwarted his plans. She was probably coming along just to laugh at him. But Lance? But then again, the Dragon Master Champion had probably repressed so much to become so skilled in training dragons; he probably was clueless about this stuff as well.

Cyrus didn't care too much about the other names. He was just keen to get started so he could get his first pay check early next week. He hoped to moved out of Mars's caravan and get one of his own… and if he earned enough, he could probably upgrade to an actual house! “Good luck, boss! We'll be watching it all online! Don't be afraid to ask us for assistance if you get stuck!” Mars said.

Cyrus nodded. He was lucky to have such loyal commanders even if he did think they were a little dense at times. He said his goodbyes and entered the classroom, taking in a deep breath as he strolled over to the desk. The students were already in their seats and looking at him with curious eyes. What did these people know about puberty and sex anyway? But before he could test their knowledge, he had to learn their names.

“Red?”

A boy wearing a red and white cap backwards put his hand up. He did not say anything at all, just nodded in response. Was the boy a mute or did he just not like talking to people? Well it was certainly going to be odd trying to communicate with this boy.

“Brock?”

A tanned male sitting next to Red put his hand up in the air enthusiastically. “I can't wait for this session! You know, I've already made a list of topics I would like answered. I don't understand how a female's menstrual cycle works. Pokémon don't seem to have it, so could you please explain to us why human females do?”

Cyrus just stared. That was something he was going to have to ask his female commanders. He made a mental note to himself. “N?”

Sitting in the far back left corner next to a man wearing a brown thick robe was a male with long green hair and a naive look on his face. “That's me!” N. What a weird name. Did it stand for anything? Noob, perhaps? No Name? It was a mystery.

“Ghetsis?”

Ghetsis turned out to be the robed man sitting next to N. He was rather old so it was a real mystery why the man was even here. It was then Cyrus realized Ghetsis was the criminal mastermind of Unova – a failed one, just like himself. “I'm only here to watch over my son, N.” They were related? Cyrus couldn't see the similarities at all. He moved on to the next name on the list.

“Morty?”

A blond haired male wearing a scarf put his hand up. “I'm Morty, ghost-type trainer from Ecruteak City.”

Great. So far, he had a class full of freaks. An old man. A know-it-all. A mute. A boy with a weird name. And a ghost boy. “Lance?”

Lance was easy to spot. He was sitting next to a girl with pigtails and they were deeply involved in a conversation Cyrus couldn't hear. The Champion was still wearing that stupid cape and he still invested way too much money in getting his hair right. Stupid dragon tamers. “Lyra?”

Lyra turned out to be the girl sitting next to Lance. She smiled. “That's me!”

“Misty?”

Misty was a girl with bright orange hair. Her hair reminded him of a carrot. All of a sudden he felt hungry. “This class better be worth it,” she said, arms folded over her chest. Cyrus didn't bother mentioning Cynthia's name – he knew who she was and she was present. He didn't mention Dawn either.

He took in a deep breath. Class was now in session.  
....  
Cyrus asked the students to write down questions on scrap pieces of paper. That way he could get a better understanding of what topics needed to be covered and such. It took twenty minutes for the papers to get back to him. He picked the first one up, unfolded it and read it silently. The questions were as follows:

“Why does the thing between my legs get hard?”

“What is tea-bagging?”

“Please explain what 'spanking the monkey' is all about.”

“I don't understand what a 69er is?”

“I can't get it up? Please help!”

“…”

“Should I swallow or should I spit?”

“So I touched myself the other day and this white stuff came out like magic! What is happening to me? I'm scared!”

“Why haven't I bled yet?”

“What is a condom?”

Judging by the questions asked, Cyrus knew this was going to be rather painful and awkward.

Cyrus kept glancing down at the questions wondering which question he should answer first. He didn't know much about the human female body because he wasn't female and figured he should answer those ones in the next session, after he consulted with his female Galactic members. That narrowed it down to eight questions. Where on earth to start?

The class was watching him with eager eyes as they waited for their sex educator to answer their burning questions. Even Ghetsis, the man who claimed he was only here for his son, looked interested. That was just creepy – shouldn't a guy of that age know all this sort of stuff? “Well,” Cyrus started, clearing his throat awkwardly, preparing himself for what was going to be really weird, “I shall answer the first question to the best of my ability.”

Brock stuck his hand up in the air. “Ooh, pick mine, pick mine!”

Cyrus sighed. “What was your question?”

He grinned. “Please explain what 'spanking the monkey' is all about. It doesn't mean actually hurting a monkey, right? Because I wouldn't think it would be a wise thing to spank a Mankey.”

Cyrus really hoped the pay rate was worth this torture. “Correct. It would not be a wise spank a Mankey… or any Pokémon for that matter. But the 'monkey' in your question does not actually refer to a creature. It actually refers to… well…” Any other person would feel rather awkward in this situation, but Cyrus had trained himself well not to show emotion so he answered it with a blank face.

“What is it?” Brock said.

This was something he knew quite well. You could try and shut down emotions, but the body had needs and sometimes that was stronger than the mind. “Spanking the monkey refers to male masturbation. Other terms include flogging the bishop, polishing the pearl, jerk the gherkin, wanking… you get the idea.” Thanks to his years of practice, he managed to explain that without looking awkward.

Brock was still confused. “But why do they call it a monkey?”

Cyrus shrugged. “That is one of life's unanswered mysteries.”

“Doesn't that make people go blind?” Misty said.

Morty's eyes were wide. “I heard it makes people grow hairy palms!”

There were a few 'ew gross', 'oh my god that's disgusting' and 'pfft, that's a load of crap because I've been jerking off for years and I'm still incredibly gorgeous' comments from the students. Cyrus could only shake his head at their innocence and stupidity. Cynthia had been right. These people were freaks. “That is a myth,” Cyrus said. “We'll discuss this in greater depth in a later lesson. I'm moving onto the next question now.”

“Aw, man,” said Brock.

“Now,” Cyrus started, moving onto the next question. “Continuing on with the slang terms, I will now answer the next two questions. What is tea-bagging and what is a 69er.”  
“Ah, finally,” Ghetsis said. “I will discover what this tea-bagging nonsense is about.” Ghetsis had asked that? What the fuck, thought Cyrus, feeling deeply disturbed (which was a pretty hard thing to achieve).

“Now I will finally understand what my gym trainers were laughing about!” Misty exclaimed.

“Tea-bagging is an unusual term to describe this sexual act,” Cyrus said. “It's basically where the male places his scrotum in the mouth of a willing sexual partner for pleasure or onto the face or head of another person,” he said, using the exact description he had found on SexPedia one day. “A 69er is a sexual position which allows two people to give and receive oral sex simultaneously. This can be quite frustrating for some couples though, especially if their partner gets lazy.”

Dawn put her hand up. “How do you know so much, Cyrus?”

Yes, that was a good question. How did he, criminal mastermind of Galactic, know so much about this sort of stuff? “I learned a lot of things during my time as the boss of Galactic.” His workers were very hormonal and constantly engaged in many sexual acts with each other when there was an opportunity. That was why he had to put up a sign reminding staff to make sure the bed is unoccupied before getting into it. Getting into the bed while there was another person in it led to awkward sexual moments.  
“So Cyrus,” Dawn continued. “Have you taken part in any of these… acts?”

He frowned. “That is not for you to know.”

Dawn leaned over to Cynthia and whispered something into her ear which caused the Champion of Sinnoh to giggle. They both looked at him with identical amused smirks plastered on their faces. “Moving onto the next question…” And the next question to be answered was… “Why does the thing between my legs hard?”

N sat up straight, learning forward on his desk. It didn't take a genius to realize the boy had asked this one. “I thought I was going to die!” he exclaimed. “So I told my daddy and he just laughed at me.” He turned to Ghetsis and frowned then turned his attention back to Cyrus. “Is it a sign of illness? Is there something wrong with me?” His eyes widened. The boy looked ready to cry.

“You are not going to die. It is simply something that happens specifically to males as females do not have one. Let's start off with the basics as you clearly do not know what the 'thing' between your legs is,” Cyrus pointed out. The boy must be living under a rock… either that or he's just really clueless. “So, N, what you are calling a 'thing' is actually called a penis.” N's bottom lip began to tremble. “Yes, I know, it's an ugly word, but some things just can't be changed.”

“Why does it go hard?” said N, fighting hard to hold back tears.

“That's called an erection… or a boner if you prefer. This usually happens when you have a romantic or sexual thought, or that area has received some form of physical stimulation. They can happen spontaneously and there isn't much you can do to stop it, however, there are some ways you can deal with your sudden burst of excitement. For example, you can simply focus your mind on something else.”

Misty snorted. “Well, that doesn't sound too horrible. It doesn't sound painful at least.”

Lance glared. “Not too horrible? Your girls are lucky. At least you can predict when you are going to bleed.”

“Maybe you ought to control yourself better then, Dragon Master,” Misty shot back.

“It's harder than it sounds!” Lance retorted, earning a chuckle from Morty.

Cyrus called for attention by throwing one of his pokéballs onto the ground. Houndoom appeared. That shut everyone up. “Now someone asked this: So I touched myself the other day and this white stuff came out like magic. What is happening to me? I'm scared.” His eyes scanned the room. “Who asked this question?”

No one owned up. Houndoom growled. Morty raised his hand. “Okay, okay, I admit, it was me.” Lance sniggered. Morty threw the smug Dragon Master a glare.

“Again, it's nothing to be afraid of,” Cyrus assured as best as he could. “That 'white stuff' is called semen. You ejaculate it once you orgasm.” By the looks on their faces, some of the students had no idea what these 'big words' meant. Perhaps writing them a glossary of terms would make things easier for them to understand. Yes, that seemed like a genius idea. “I'll prepare a glossary of terms for your next session.”

The majority of the trainers looked relieved. “That's good because I don't know what any of these big words mean,” said N. “It's a good thing you are here to help us understand ourselves better, Cyrus.” Yes, indeed. He was their hero.

Misty paled. “The more we talk about this, the happier I am that I'm a female.”

“Onto the next question. Should I swallow or should I spit?” He suspected this question came from one of the females in the room. Dawn? Cynthia? Misty? Lyra? “Who asked this and why?” There was an uncomfortable silence when Lyra finally put her hand up.

“It was me,” she said.

“To answer your question, it doesn't matter, but it generally makes your partner happier if you do in fact, swallow.”

Lyra instinctively looked to Lance who just winked at her. Lyra's face turned a deep shade of red and Cyrus connected the dots. So, Lyra was screwing the Dragon Master. Had they come to his class just to get some advice on sexual positions? What freaks. “I'll be answering the final question now… the others will be answered in the next session. The final question of the session is… I can't get it up? Please help.”

Cyrus was expecting Red or Lance to confess, but it turned out to be from Ghetsis. That shocked him. So some people had asked more questions and others did not ask at all. Embarrassed? Who knew? “My friend would like to know,” Ghetsis said. Cyrus knew that was just an excuse – the old man couldn't admit it was him so he used the, 'I'm gonna pretend someone else did as to not embarrass myself in public'.

“Well Ghetsis, there's a reason for that. It's called erectile dysfunction and it's quite common in older men… how old are you? Over forty, I imagine?” Ghetsis just snorted, as if he was offended. Which only made Cyrus confirm Ghetsis indeed was the one having problems downstairs. “This condition is quite common in men ages forty and over.”

“I shall pass the information onto my friend then,” Ghetsis said.

N frowned. “But dad… you don't have any friends. Nobody likes y-”

“Shut up, son.”

Yup, Ghetsis was certainly having problems. No wonder he was stark raving mad. “That's all for today's session. I will answer the others in our next session,” Cyrus said. The trainers rose from their chairs and exited the room, except for Cynthia of course.

“I have to admit, I'm surprised. You managed yourself far better than what I had thought.”  
“When do I receive my pay check?”

She grinned. “Next week. I'll be seeing you in the next session.” And with that said, she exited the room to join up with her friend, Dawn. It was now time to head back to Mars's caravan and ask for advice about females and their strangeness.


	3. Team Bonding

After an exhausting session of educating the foolish in the matters of puberty, Cyrus was keen just to sit back on the floor and watch something amusing on the screen. Unfortunately, luck was not shining on him as the Galactic commanders wanted to congratulate him on a job well done. “You did great, boss! I even took down some notes!” Saturn smiled, showing Cyrus his pink notepad. “I didn't know you knew so much! If I had known, I probably would've asked you for some advice!”

“Galactic was focused on creating a new universe; not on how to impress the other person in bed,” Cyrus explained, wishing he could just sit back and chill for the rest of the afternoon. He had another session tomorrow and it was going to be a little tougher than the first one because he was dealing with female matters. “Now, Mars. Jupiter. I need to ask you a few questions regarding the topic of tomorrow's session.”

Mars and Jupiter were both eager to please. The girls pushed Saturn out of the way. “Anything!” Jupiter said.

Mars stuck out her tongue. “He said my name first!”

“But I'm older!”

“He likes me better!”

“Does not!”

“Does too! And why do you care? You've got Saturn!”

Cyrus rolled his eyes. Once again the girls were fighting over something so ridiculous. He knew he was awesome and all, but did they have to fight? It was a mentally draining activity. “Ladies, please. Cease the fighting. I said Mars's name first because we are standing in her caravan,” he pointed out. Jupiter grumbled.

“So anyway, you didn't answer the question. How do you know so much?” Saturn asked again.

Cyrus tried to think of a way to avoid the question, but nothing came to mind. Besides, he was cornered by his commanders and they weren't going to let him go that easily. “I learned a lot about these sorts of things during my reign as boss,” he said, hoping the commanders wouldn't see through his lie. Unfortunately, luck really wasn't shining on him today.

“But you knew the slang terms! The grunts of Galactic were too stupid to know of such things,” Jupiter protested, “and we never told you because we figured you were asexual or something.”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow at her comment. “Asexual?”

Jupiter nodded, turning to her friends for support then provided an answer. “It's just… well you never showed sexual interest in anyone. Do you have any idea how many of the girls were placing bets to see who could seduce you first? Heck, even some of the guys joined in for fun.” Cyrus didn't want to know.

“And I won!” Mars exclaimed.

This was news to Cyrus. “I would've remembered if you had.”

“We drugged you. You had the flu, remember? You left us in charge until you recovered, so we threw a party!” Mars explained, giving her boss a cheeky wink. “You definitely must've gotten around a fair bit before you started up Galactic because that was a _fun_ night.” So, he had been under the influence of some form of drug when this… activity… occurred. All of a sudden, teaching a class of idiots sounded more appealing to him than standing here in Mars's caravan. Who knew what else the commanders had put him through during that time?

However, Mars was correct. He had gotten around a fair bit in his early teenage years. His father treated him like shit because he wasn't getting the same amount of action his son was. Jealousy, such an ugly emotion, but it scarred Cyrus for life. It turned him bitter. So after a couple of months of whoring around, Cyrus decided to stop because he learned people could carry STD's and he didn't want to die so he convinced himself emotions were bad because it led to sex which led to an early death.

He had gone over ten years without having sex… until now it seemed. Not that it mattered much anymore since he wasn't trying to take over the world, but rather make the region a better place by giving sex education classes. “So, what did you need our help with?” Jupiter said.

He thought back to the questions asked. “One of the girls would like to know why they haven't 'bled' yet. I am not sure how to describe this since I obviously do not experience it which is why I am asking.” The other question had something to do with describing what a condom was, but Cyrus wanted to focus on the bleeding thing first. He figured there'd be quite a few questions asked in relation to that.

“Well, how about I come along and lend you a hand?” Mars said.

Cyrus frowned. “This is my class.”

She rolled her eyes. “It'll sound better coming from a female, boss. You trying to explain how the female menstrual cycle works will be like me trying to explain how it feels to get kicked in the junk. The students aren't going to pay much attention – they need to hear it from someone who has already experienced it,” she explained. Cyrus just pouted. He hoped this wouldn't affect his pay. Perhaps he could just tell Cynthia that Mars was his assistant? Surely, she wouldn't be cruel enough to hold that against him?

“You have made a good point. I shall inform Cynthia that you will be assisting me in tomorrow's session.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled in Cynthia's number, while his commanders exchanged excited looks. “Hello Cynthia, this is Cyrus speaking.”

“_Hello, Cyrus. What seems to be the problem? You're not considering dropping out, are you?”_

“Of course not. May I have permission to bring in one of my commanders along to assist in the next session?”

“_This job is supposed to be taught by you, Cyrus.”_

“Mars insists the female students will understand female puberty if a female teaches them.”

There was a long pause followed by a sigh. _”Okay, I will allow it just because I want the students to be fully informed, but there is one condition.”_

“What is it?” He heard snickering on the other end. Cynthia recollected herself and described the condition. Cyrus's eyes widened upon hearing her words. No way in hell was he going to lower himself to _that_ level! But she had promised a few extra dollars if he agreed to it. He _really_ needed the money. “Fine. You have a deal.”

She laughed again. _”See you tomorrow! Oh, by the way, Maylene, Whitney and Clair will be attending tomorrow's session. They have a few questions they would like answered.”_ She hung up. Cyrus rubbed his temples and sighed. He needed a couple bottles of the strongest alcohol the caravan park had to offer if he wanted to get through tomorrow.

It wasn't like Cyrus to be nervous, but right now he couldn't stop chewing on his nails. Cynthia's cold laughter played in his mind over and over again like a horrible b-grade movie marathon. He never thought Cynthia had a dark side, but it seemed like everyone could be evil when they wanted to be. Cynthia's request was so evil even he would never think of something like that.

“Boss? Are you all right?” Mars said, looking at him as if he had suddenly grown an arm out of his head. “You look kinda pale.”

Cyrus shook his head. “I'm fine,” he lied.

“No, you're not. You looked like you were going to cry after you got off the phone with Cynthia,” Mars pointed out.

“I did not,” Cyrus stubbornly replied. He had never cried… okay, except for that one time he got dumped by his first girlfriend over the phone, but that happened when he was only twelve years old. He had never shed a tear since then. “You are merely confusing a 'crying face' for surprise.”

“Oh, so that's what you call it. I could've sworn I saw your eyes well up with tears at one point,” she said. Cyrus couldn't tell if she was pretending to be funny or teasing him for the sake of it. He frowned, puzzled by her response. “So, what did she say? You still have a job, right?”

He nodded. “She offered me a pay raise on one condition.”

“And what was that?”

He took in a deep breath, running a hand through his messy blue hair. It was difficult enough giving sex lessons to the foolish, but this condition made things ten times harder. “Cynthia would like a… 'show and tell' session today.” Show and tell. In other words, strip down and explain the naughty bits. Cynthia claimed it would be a good idea because some of the students weren't quite sure what their 'naughty bits' should look like. Yes, they were rather stupid.

“Show and tell? Ooh, I love show and tell!”

He gave her a stern stare. “This is no ordinary show and tell.”

“Sex tape?”

“…Not exactly, but do not mention it to her or she might get some ideas. Rather, she would like someone to show the teenagers what they have to look forward to.”

Mars's eyes widened. Cyrus saw true fear, but it faded quickly replaced by a glimmer of amusement. He did not like that look at all. Mars was up to something. She was always rather sneaky. What did the troubled girl have in mind? “Well,” she looked at him, running her tongue across her lower lip, “I would like to see that!” She winked at him.

It took a few seconds for Mars's comment to sink in. “No. I will not be on display.”

She pouted. “Aw, but boss…”

“_No.”_

“You're their sex educator and that means you have to show the goods!”

“I will not.”

“It's not like you've got anything to be ashamed of. We do call you the _big boss_ after all for a reason.” Mars's grin widened. She was enjoying watching his torment. Cyrus never realized what a sick freak the girl was. “If you do it, I'm sure the other commanders will happily join in.”

“I was actually thinking Saturn and Jupiter could do it.”

Mars frowned. “Why not me?” A wicked grin crossed her face. “Can't handle it, boss?”

“You are already assisting me in teaching the next class. I can't ask you to do this as well. That would be cruel.” He poked his head out of the caravan searching for Saturn and Jupiter. “Where are the rascals?”

“I don't mind you know… as long as I get something in return.” He turned to face her, an incredulous expression on his face. Now he was looking at her like she was the one who had randomly grown an arm out of her head. “You don't want Jupiter stripping down. She's got fake breasts. She got them done before our last pay raise actually to impress Saturn. You want the class to be authentic, right? The pure stuff?”

Jupiter had spent her money on _that?_ Why on earth had he not fired her? He shook his head, deeply disturbed. “Yes.”

She grinned. “Well, you won't get anything better than me, but I do expect payment.”

“How much do you want?”

She raised a finger and wagged it in his face. “Not money, silly.” She leaned in forward, bringing her mouth close to his right ear. “I want _you,”_ she whispered then pulled away, giggling softly. This had to be some crazy dream, right? There was no way in hell Mars was requesting sex instead of money. What stupid person would do that? “I'm not going to help you today otherwise.”

“But you said you would.”

“I changed my mind. I was getting ripped off.”

_Women,_ Cyrus thought sourly. Can't ever make up their minds. “Fine.” Maybe if he convinced Mars to drug him again he wouldn't remember any of it and therefore would not be mentally scarred by images of Mars having her way with him.

Mars jumped up and down. “Yay!” She grabbed his arm and led him out of the caravan. “Let's get going then! Today is going to be so much fun!”


End file.
